The Indian Arranged Marriage saga.

I recently accompanied my friend on his visit to meet the girl he was going to meet for a possible marriage arrangement. I had nothing to do with the event and I am nowhere related to him apart from the fact that he is a close personal friend. For me, I just thought it would an event worth experiencing. 

So, we got sufficiently drunk the night before, actually, till 6 in the morning and then carried ourselves, completely hungover and sleep deprived, to his house. After gulping down a couple of chai's and 2 Red Bulls, we got into the car and drove to the moon... errr... Bhiwandi. I say moon because the road to Bhiwandi was as good as riding on the moon. Potholes the size of craters decorated most of the road. I am sure that the alcohol and the tea and the Red Bull all mixed into a weird concoction in my stomach. By the time we reached Bhiwandi, my left knee hurt so much from all the clutching, I felt I needed crutches to walk. Yes, I offered to drive as my friend was super sleepy.

Upon arrival at the prospect bride's house, we were greeted into the house by a sumo wrestler type looking uncle. He stood at the doorway and we had to literally squeeze in between him and the door frame, the kind of touching I do not want to indulge in, EVER. 

So, let me tell you something about the Indian Arranged Marriage. Boys parents meet the girls parents and share info about their families. After clearing a background check, a suitable time is decided on when both the families would meet at the girls house. Pleasantries are exchanged over tea and snacks and the events unfold. 

Coming back to the meeting, we sat comfortably on the couch. The living area was filled with relatives from the girls family. The parents, their siblings, sons. It felt like my friend was up on the wall of a museum while art lovers glanced and whispered their opinion on the exhibit. 

 

Now, my friend is not the types who is comfortable in these situations and was a little shy while I could barely contain my giggles. As I was sitting at the extreme left, I was accompanied by, what I presume was the girls brother. The girl was nowhere to be seen still. 

Going back, my friend is a Maharashtrian and I am not very good with my skills of the Marathi language. So, the brother started talking to me in pure Marathi and I had no clue what he was saying. To me it was all, "blah blah blah blah blah blah...". My friend came to my rescue and told him how I didn't understand Marathi that well.

Women started walking into the living room with plates full of food. There was some snacks, samosas and also something else that I could not recognise. Now, having been drinking all night with minimum to no food, my stomach had started growling a little louder. While my friend and his family were polite, I picked up the samosa and relished it like it was my last meal. The brother asked me to have some more. I would have and was really keen on trying the snack when my friend, politely said no. I had to follow and just be satisfied with a lot of drool in my mouth and on my mind. The food was taken away and we got chai. I thought of revenge and said no to chai while my friend smirked and shamelessly picked a cup and sipped away to glory.

The room was a buzz with silent conversations when the gigantic uncle called for everyone's attention. The sound of silence filled the room.

 He then started by introducing himself and then did a round of introduction of his entire family that had filled the room. As forever, I did not understand what he said apart from the greeting everyone gave which was,"Jai Bhim" (don't ask). Then, my friend's mother took over and introduced herself, followed by her elder soon, his wife, the exhibit(my friend) and then me. I smiled and nodded, though, that one samosa had really opened my hunger and I could think of nothing but food. 

Now is where the slightly funny but very awkward moment starts. Post introductions, Don Corleone asked for the girl to come out. A shy girl wearing a saree, decked up and with her head, humbly down, made her way gently to the center of the room. Don Corleone then asked her to introduce herself which she did in a low tone, looking up once in while. She was then asked a few questions by my friends mom. The funny thing was, he was equally shy if not more. He barely looked her in the eye or even at her while she spoke. The girl, I think her name was Priya, looked like a very down to earth girl. Anyway, after the introduction, she sat down. 

Don C now asked my friend to introduce himself. This is when it became very funny for me. I've known him to be a very strong personality with his words and his quirks and his personality as the Manager of a famous Taproom. Having him feel so confused and shy was new to me and I could barely contain my laughter. At one point, I just started checking my phone when there was nothing to check. He was then interviewed by the Don and that was funny too. 

By this time, I really started getting sleepy and also had an upcoming urge to pee from all the laughter I was trying to curb in. 

The weird part was, the guy and the girl were given no time to talk in private. Like they did not even get to say hi to each other. It felt like uncle was going to have the final word. Now thats just absurd.

Eventually, everyone decided that the interviews were done and a formal invitation for lunch was offered which was again politely declined. 

We shook hands and left. A marriageable guy with only assumptions of how the girl was otherwise and his friend with a bursting bladder, a semi growling stomach and eyes which begged to shut left the house for another adventurous drive back home through the craters of moon.