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and just like that, july is almost over. so was march, april and may. my birthday was in april, it was spent like all my other birthdays. so nothing new there eh?
i dont get to meet my hashing buddies. but i am hashing more. i became a runner. a shortcutting bastard is now a runner. i picked up the guitar and left it as quickly as i picked it up. i am an amateur jaw harp player though. too much info, right?
well that is how the lockdown has been. a diarrhea of too many things to be done without much a thought. and what a creative waste this year has been so far. 'a person will do anything to kill time in a prison', said sam l jack in the shawshank redemption. the jail, is our house and the crime is the lockdown, is it? since march, when the goddamn lockdown started, i must have lived in various phases.
phase 1: get used to the damn thing
the first week was spent watching the news and reading rumors. whatsapp was THE source of knowledge. people became covid experts. w.h.o. must be so foolish for them. drink this, eat that and you'll be covid-free. a lot even tried all these falsifications. one of them got ulcers so bad, he'd have rather eaten fire.
phase 2: dat arnie bod
now that i have the time, i'd start working out. and i went for it. i fucked my own happiness for most of an hour, daily, half expecting that i'd be the terminator by the end of lockdown. i even made vlogs that i later deleted. why? cos i stopped working out brah. der is only so much enthusiasm my shoulder could bear.
wt when started: 87kgs
wt when stopped after 2 weeks: 87kgs.
and just like that, july is almost over. so was march, april and may. my birthday was in april, it was spent like all my other birthdays. so nothing new there eh?
i dont get to meet my hashing buddies. but i am hashing more. i became a runner. a shortcutting bastard is now a runner. i picked up the guitar and left it as quickly as i picked it up. i am an amateur jaw harp player though. too much info, right?
well that is how the lockdown has been. a diarrhea of too many things to be done without much a thought. and what a creative waste this year has been so far. 'a person will do anything to kill time in a prison', said sam l jack in the shawshank redemption. the jail, is our house and the crime is the lockdown, is it? since march, when the goddamn lockdown started, i must have lived in various phases.
phase 1: get used to the damn thing
the first week was spent watching the news and reading rumors. whatsapp was THE source of knowledge. people became covid experts. w.h.o. must be so foolish for them. drink this, eat that and you'll be covid-free. a lot even tried all these falsifications. one of them got ulcers so bad, he'd have rather eaten fire.
phase 2: dat arnie bod
now that i have the time, i'd start working out. and i went for it. i fucked my own happiness for most of an hour, daily, half expecting that i'd be the terminator by the end of lockdown. i even made vlogs that i later deleted. why? cos i stopped working out brah. der is only so much enthusiasm my shoulder could bear.
wt when started: 87kgs
wt when stopped after 2 weeks: 87kgs.
eventually things changed for me. i ditched body weight workouts and opted for the tarmac. i put on my cheap running shoes and started sweating for 2 hours everyday. running / jogging / walking / slow walking / crawling. all this led to...
when i stopped after 2 weeks: 87kgs
weight as off 18th july: 79kgs
lesson learnt: there is no fucking shortcut to a healthier self.
phase 3: masterchef 'i can't cook worth shit' malad
let's look at healthy food. the only healthy thing i did was stop fried food as my munchies after smoking up. my first attempt at making neer dosa ended in us ordering pav bhaji from a restaurant(cos we gotta eat right?). my second attempt was less stressful on our pockets cos 'woh maa hai, woh sab jaanti hai'. mom knew it'd be a disaster and she had prepped something else, just in case.
slowly but gradually, i became an intermediate dosa maker. so, masterchef anna maybe. with time, i realised that cooking is one of the most therapeutic thing you can do to calm yourself down. so, now i make my own coffee, smoothie, dosa, neer dosa, maggi, sauté paneer and veggies, buttermilk, ginger honey lemon and thats it. its better than being able to make nothing.
phase four: the number four key on my mac don't work
i got lucky in that department. a neighborhood girl and me got along on a flirty note during one of my evening jogs. we boom boom bang banged a night, three times. feels good to break a 3 month dry spell. now, we wait for the next opportunity, which is when we create it.
lesson learnt: there is no fucking shortcut to a healthier self.
phase 3: masterchef 'i can't cook worth shit' malad
let's look at healthy food. the only healthy thing i did was stop fried food as my munchies after smoking up. my first attempt at making neer dosa ended in us ordering pav bhaji from a restaurant(cos we gotta eat right?). my second attempt was less stressful on our pockets cos 'woh maa hai, woh sab jaanti hai'. mom knew it'd be a disaster and she had prepped something else, just in case.
slowly but gradually, i became an intermediate dosa maker. so, masterchef anna maybe. with time, i realised that cooking is one of the most therapeutic thing you can do to calm yourself down. so, now i make my own coffee, smoothie, dosa, neer dosa, maggi, sauté paneer and veggies, buttermilk, ginger honey lemon and thats it. its better than being able to make nothing.
phase four: the number four key on my mac don't work
i got lucky in that department. a neighborhood girl and me got along on a flirty note during one of my evening jogs. we boom boom bang banged a night, three times. feels good to break a 3 month dry spell. now, we wait for the next opportunity, which is when we create it.
"fuck. it'll make putting up with the lockdown, easy."
phase 5: get productive
it all boiled down to giving up all my other whims and fancies and doing something which i should have done a long time ago. i started working on my roadtrip vlog. 2 weeks and 8 youtube videos later, i felt good. i felt good about my work and the progress i made with video editing. it felt good when friends msgd saying that the vlog is nice and it took them back to the days when we were actually travelling. it motivated me to try more edits and do more.
covid - 19 has opened up a phases for me which i should have worked lonnnng ago but never did. maybe i did not get the time. maybe i did not think about it at all. maybe i did not explore the remotest possibility of working on the one thing that i had to work on since forever...
my mental health. the pandemic and the resulting lockdown has got me paying more attention to the entangled mess that is my brain. i won't take the credit for it. i started therapy a while ago and had to, unfortunately, stop therapy midway. but all the credit for me starting therapy goes to one of the most important people in my life. she's gotten rid of me now. i wish she didn't but i guess its ok. its not the first time people have walked away from me. i just now realise that they do not have to put up with my mental illness. it just hurt a lot when she left me cos i assumed she knew the trouble a mentally ill person goes through and it is not always easy to deal with a person who is suffering. but i guess she finished this chapter in her life. and i am used to that too.
ok i think the last few lines just got me a lil carried away.
so, all the phases so far have been mentioned... i wonder, what now? what next? i screened through what more i can do with my free time. nothing comes to mind. i have been watching world cinema, very much against my mental capacity at this point. but i am a sucker for good cinema. i am also reading 3 books. my brain can hardly keep track of one though. i am going to open up about my mental health and talk about it openly. maybe a few will realise that it is not easy putting up with (people like)me but that does not make me, bad people. i guess the world needs to accept mental fucking weirdos like us cos i am ready to accept i have an illness, an illness i did not ask for... an illness that can happen with anybody... an illness which is still not recognised in my country, atleast not by the previous generation.
stay safe... stay home... stay healthy.
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